After College Drop-Off: Your Role Is Changing Too

For many families, college drop-off is a moment they have been preparing for for years.

There are the Target runs, the packing lists, the things they forgot, and finally, the goodbye.

And then you drive away. We spend a lot of time talking about how students need to adjust to college. But parents are adjusting too.

You have spent 18 years being the person who steps in when something goes wrong. It is not easy to suddenly be told to step back.

Your child is going to be independent in ways they have never been before. But that doesn't mean they are suddenly going to know how to handle everything. In fact, there is a pretty good chance they are going to call you when something goes wrong.

They may hate their roommate. They may be homesick. They may tell you they chose the wrong school. They may get a grade they have never gotten before. They may call three days after you dropped them off and ask you to come get them.

Unless there is a real concern about their health or safety, say no.

That can be really hard to do. But give them some time.

A bad first week doesn't mean they chose the wrong college. Being homesick doesn't mean they aren't ready. Not making friends immediately doesn't mean they won't.

And remember, you are often getting the phone call in the moment when they are upset. An hour later, they may be at dinner with friends and completely fine.

Try Not to Fix Everything

When the smaller things happen, try not to fix them.

Don't call the professor. Don't send an email they should be sending. Don't immediately get involved in a roommate issue or try to solve every problem.

Listen. Ask questions. Help them figure out who they should talk to or what resource they should use. And then let them do it.

They need to learn how to advocate for themselves, ask for help, handle disappointment and figure out what to do when something doesn't go as planned.

That is part of college too.

Give Yourself Some Time Too

And remember, they aren't the only ones adjusting.

The house may feel different. You may worry more than you expected. You may have to stop yourself from texting or calling just to make sure everything is okay.

Give yourself some time to adjust too. This isn't easy.

They may not get all A's. They may not like their roommate. They may change their major. They may have a terrible Tuesday and love college again by Friday.

It's okay.

Your role as a parent isn't over. It's just changing. And that adjustment may take some time—for both of you.