The View From The Rearview Mirror: College Road Trips

As we prepare to take a drive next week into New England, moving our youngest into her freshman dorm, I think back to last summer and our epic road trip which over the course of ten days took us down, and then ALL the way back up the Eastern seaboard. Our carefully planned college road trip seemed like just that; a well-orchestrated blueprint to help our daughter find the college of her dreams. What could go wrong you ask?

After writing that, I stopped chuckling long enough to write down some thoughts on what did go wrong with the hope of imparting some small bits of "been there, done that" to all those embarking on college road trips over the next few weeks.

1. Prepare for the inevitable meltdowns.

Now, when I say this it was not referring to my husband's meltdown that the traffic on I-95 has never been worse, although that did happen, multiple times. We, as adults, find this whole college admissions process overwhelming. Now stop and think of your sixteen or seventeen year old self and imagine how your child is feeling. Yup. Cue the inevitable meltdowns. In our “careful", "well-thought out planning”, with only her "best interests in mind", we failed to take into account that plans could, and should change if the prospective student is suddenly crying in the corner of a small diner somewhere between North Carolina and Maryland because...well, there was no actual because. There were however, a lot of probables. In our case on this particular day, we tried to do two schools in one day and coupled with a long drive and the stress of finding that "perfect fit" and everyone being a bit hangry, we unwittingly stirred up a recipe for disaster. Adding to the fact that the second school was not even one on her list but was a school we insisted she see because we thought it would be a good fit only pulled at already frayed nerves.

What we should have done was stick to the original list and not try to squeeze in two school visits in one day. There are a variety of reasons including fatigue and hunger but in all reality, it becomes very challenging to process what you are hearing visit after visit. We, and our children, need time to take in what we are seeing, hearing, and learning without feeling rushed. We all need to take time after a visit to just take it all in. And then we need a break. Maybe a meal, maybe some shopping, maybe a nap, but definitely not another two or three hours in a car trying to race to our next destination.

If time and money are, and for many they certainly are, factors in visiting schools, allot the time necessary to see your child's top three or four if possible. Others can be done on a virtual basis using the tools on a school's website. Regional admissions counselors and events can be another great way to learn about a school you can't visit. If your child does apply to a school they haven't seen and is accepted, that would be the time to try and visit, if possible. It is however impossible to effectively squeeze it all into one short road trip. Take it from me, and the poor waiter who was dealing with our daughter's tears while he took her order for a cheeseburger and extra fries.

2. Learn what to listen to:

After a while, all colleges start to sound the same. Study abroad, dining hall amenities, and campus life are three of the big ones you will inevitably hear about. Not to knock any school but the idea of a semester in Europe or some far-flung country, coupled with great dining hall dessert choices, and tons of activities to do in your leisure time sounds great but in reality, almost every college offers some variation of this "information session". There are however some very important things to listen for: admissions policies, class profile, majors and minors, merit money, financial aid, and job placement - just to name a few. Remember the information session is meant to appeal to a large group. Try if offered, to schedule an on-campus interview and to take some time to have your child ask specific questions of an admissions counselor. Have questions prepared beforehand and ask similar questions at all schools. This helps to make for a great pro and con list when debriefing.

On the other hand, learn what to look for:

All tours cover the basics. The main academic buildings, dining hall, library, dorms, and recreational facilities will probably all be spots on your tour. However, after your tour take some time to walk around again without the guide. Let your child get a feel for the campus: the layout, the design, the aesthetics, and the vibe. If students are around, take a look at how they appear to be going about their day. Some of the best campus visits we had with both of our children involved interactions with random students, whether it be asking for directions or just a quick hello. Students remain the best indicator of the quality of life on campus.

3. Maintain realistic expectations and a healthy sense of humor:

After about three hours of driving into a state way up north, approaching our seventh school in six days, my husband and I realized pretty much from first glance that our daughter would probably not find this to be the best fit. In fact, knowing her as we do, we could have placed a bet on it and won big. But this school was on her list. She loved the website descriptions. She had heard great things and it is a wonderful school. (In fact, truth be told, it was a reach school for her for a variety of reasons.) But, she had to see it. We pulled in, exhausted and stiff from the hours of driving the day before. As we entered the information session and sat down, she whispered to me, "I can't ever see myself here. We can go if you want." Needless to say, we didn't just leave. One, I couldn't quite figure out how to tell my husband that this drive was for naught and we also had to give the Motrin time to work on our backs. However, as the information session ended, I signaled to him that we were leaving. We got in the car, sat silently for a moment, and then just started laughing. The school was so off target for her, for many reasons and we probably all realized it about fifty miles in but none of us wanted to say anything for fear of deviating from the plan or diminishing her hopes. Speak up and share thoughts...except (review Point 1 again).when hungry or overwhelmed.

College road trips can, and should be a great experience. These trips allow students to see the school they might in fact call home for their college years. Campus visits allow students the opportunity to rule schools out and allow families the time to bond over dorm room tours and free dining hall lunches. However, keep in mind the old saying, the best laid plans....

Go into these trips with the understanding that every school you visit is putting their best foot forward. Look deeper into what a school has to offer and judge it fairly to see if it lines up with your child's, and your criteria for a school. Ask the big questions and take lots of notes. And remember, take time to eat, rest, and laugh because at the end of this process, students will end up exactly where they are supposed to be. Happy road tripping!